What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?

This is going to be short. I am scared to be alone. Losing my husband has been the most painful experience I’ve ever had to experience.

The night our house flooded and we had to get him to hospital in the ambulance, we thought we would have him for a few more days. He left this earth the day after which was hugely shocking and not at all expected.

When he left us, I thought I’d never see him again. That was hard because as much as you don’t want your husband to suffer anymore, you’re not actually ever ready for him to pass away. The funeral home gave us an opportunity to see him once last time though which was hugely helpful because we could put the expectation in the calendar.

Now I’m alone and I have been spending a lot of time in my bedroom getting used to my own company. I don’t know who I am at the moment and I don’t know if I love me. It’s a bit hard to love someone you don’t know. I will learn eventually.

For now, I will leave you with this quote:

“The risk of love is loss, and the risk of loss is grief – But the pain of grief is only a shadow when compared with the pain of never risking love.”

Hillary Stanton Zunin

Until tomorrow, KT18Ø.