What are the most important things needed to live a good life?

An ex once said to me that I needed to stop having kids because they won’t fill the void in my heart. Wow! What a charmer!!

I honestly feel the void came from the initial adoption and then the marriages or relationships that were based on financial control and emotional and physical abuse. I truly only knew what love meant from what my parents showed me growing up and there was a massive disparity between that and what I was “given” in my partnerships.

Parenting young kids is hard. My kids had special needs and I turned into a single parent a couple of times and it was jolly hard. If it wasn’t for my parents, Dad for the fun and Mum as the caregiver of the two, I would never have had respite as I was lead to believe I didn’t deserve help. It’s hard when your own “husband” refuses to babysit your own kids to enable you to have a life of your own. Doesn’t matter that they’re at the golf course every weekend. It matters that you’re at home where you “belong”.

Both marriages had their own special twist on isolation. To add a special twist, I went from the frying pan into the fire. I went from hands off abuse to hands on abuse. When you get to a stage where your 20 year old has CPTSD and RAD from witnessing his mother copping a beating and his abusive step-mother torturing them in their father’s home, you know you done stuffed up.

I got very good after that at spotting red flags and would not stand for the slightest sign of control in future partners. When I met my now husband and soulmate, I knew I had struck gold.

The one thing about Steve that I need to say is he allows me to be me and have my own life and my own interests. And by saying allow, I don’t mean I have to ask permission. I mean he encourages me to have a life of my own because he knows I choose him over anything that would ever come between us. It’s about trust and communication. Our love conquers everything we face because we don’t have any taboo subjects. We will even talk about bowel movements and the state of the economy in the same conversation. Nothing is off limits.

The song we danced to at our wedding was “Steal my kisses from you” by Ben Harper. It was a song that I used to listen to with my friend Therese from uni. It reminded me of the one person who taught me to stand up for myself and not give respect to anyone without reason.

The night I finally broke free from the relationship with my first husband, I was in an economics class with my uni friends and I wrote him a letter. I had tried to leave him 3 months earlier but he wouldn’t allow it. The letter had impact and made the change last.

It did not stop him from reeking havoc on my life after with the kids and parent alienation in court but it did stop the constant day to day abusive power and control. Three months earlier, I had tried to go to a celebration because I had just done my yellow belt grading with karate at the uni and he didn’t want me having a social life. He screamed at me in front of my friend. He had become so comfortable with abusing me that he didn’t care who he did it in front of. He even abused me at work in front of customers. He thought it was his birth right.

Then there was the next one. What he put the kids and I through, I’m not willing to talk about tonight but it took my Dad to get him out of my house in the end. Oh I have so much to unpack.

I think what I have to hold onto is I survived everything to this point. That’s a 100% success rate!

So getting to the point… the most important things you need to live a good life are the most beautiful social connections you can find. Your social circle will always dictate the potential for success you can receive. If you allow people to control you, you will always be void of choice. If you have people around you who love you for yourself and empower you with upbuilding intentions, you will always be rich in life.

Success should never be about having billions in a bank account because billionaires generally have destroyed a lot of people to get there. To be rich, you need a lot of love in your life.

I have beautiful kids who are essential in my life. I have never regretted them. I will always love them. They give me more in life than they will ever realise. They’re amazing humans and I am so proud of them.

My husband was the type of guy most chicks don’t stick with. He was sweet, romantic, kind and caring. The nice guy. After all the bad guys that were provocative but abusive and idiots at the end of the day, I took a chance on a bloke who turned out to love me the way I actually needed.

Find friends who enrich your life. Find your people. Your circle doesn’t have to be large to be impactful. If you can find your people and they give to you just as much as you give to them, that is a healthy relationship. Having the right people around you makes a world of a difference. Love the ones who show you true love and you will have an amazing life.

For now, I will leave you with this…

“A good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge”

Bertrand Russell

Until tomorrow… KT18Ø