If you had to change your name, what would your new name be?
I actually thought of this the other day. There was a name that popped into my head and I thought it would be weird to change my name but it would be a nice baby name.
Before we start, I have had my name officially changed when I was 7 weeks old. I was adopted and came with the title “baby girl Neth” in a bassinet.
This tiny baby spent 2 weeks in a nursery at a hospital before going into foster care. Not that I remember any of it but the time line and stories have been given to me later in life.
My foster parents were beautiful people and we had them close to us all through my life. I remember when my foster father worked for us and threatened someone that he’d put land mines under expensive plants at our business to deter theft. Such a classic outlay of wit and sarcasm, so clearly fluent that people thought he meant it. I think I get my fluency and sense of humour a little from him being in my life. There has always been a lot of banter in my family and if you can’t laugh even through dark times, I don’t see how you can hang on to any thread of hope.
I did hear that my name could have been Diana that was circled in a baby name book of Mum’s but I had always thought it was reserved for if my brother turned out to be a girl.
At the height of my dark times many years later, I had a few names. KT18Ø was the first nickname I was ever really given, imparted upon me by a girl called Roxy. Then, a guy called Brad Rowe believed I should be called Nina. It was very spy like and fed into a particular psychosis of mine. It was also when Queensland had won the State of Origin 8 times so it turned out to be “8 Nina Rowe”.
I do not know how I got to that point. I was completely lost and did not know how to get back to who I used to be. My ex husband had tortured me to breaking point and something inside me snapped. I went to rock bottom and met someone just as messed up as me. It was fun and he was quite wise and sweet but I needed to get my mind back and the way we parted was probably for the best.
Brad and his mate had painted a rock just out of Beaudesert and after we parted ways and I came back to the real world, I went to see it and explore on Christmas Day. It was the first Christmas without my kids which was hard. I did see him again once but avoided him and I don’t think he recognised me as I’d put on a lot of weight getting my life back.
So it took a lot to get back out to the real world again. During the time between 2013 and 2015 when I met my now husband, I was quiet. I had nothing to talk about. To be honest, I’ve only just started to let my husband into my life stories of that time.
So then I met Steve. February 2015 was the start of the most amazing relationship I have ever known. He knew there was stuff in my past and waited for me to tell him of those times. He actually is still here and said that the course I did this year has really helped me heal and this is all part of my healing journey. I still have a lot to heal but am able to speak of it without too much fear of rejection and abandonment.
If you ever have gone through anything major, I suggest you reach out to Kate Pezzuti at yourdreamlifecoach.host/unblock-your-blessings where she can help you process and heal in her master classes. She is so amazing!
There have been other names. Faith, Serenity, and I was once called Kitty by a lovely older lady. I also like the name Katya, a name given to me by a ballroom dancing teacher who I once dated. I get Kate sometimes too and KJ by my God Parents. I don’t actually think I could change my name voluntarily. I’m actually happy with my name now, especially since it’s paired with my husbands last name. I feel very honoured and privileged to have been gifted it by him.
For now, I will leave you with this quote.
“You can change your hobbies, but you can’t change your interests. You can change who you say you care about, but you can’t change who really cares about you”
Melchor Lim
Until tomorrow ~ KT18Ø
Katie OneEighty 