Describe one simple thing you do that brings joy to your life.

Every single morning, I wake up at around 5am. I don’t always get out of bed straight away, and sometimes, I get out of bed earlier than the 5am buzzing on my wrist with the words “be alive”, but the highlight of my morning is the relaxing part of my routine.

Once my feet hit the floor, I grab my ugg boots, avoid Labrador licks, and head off to the little girls room. I then make my way downstairs to grab my medications, make a coffee, and feed the animals. Once the coffee is made, I head outside to cuddle up to the puppies and sit listening to the world wake up.

In summer, we have daylight savings and I don’t always catch the sunrise. When winter comes though, I just listen to music, read news articles, and slowly activate my brain as I watch the beautiful colours of the sun rising into view.

A long time ago when everything was going wrong in my life, I would leave my boyfriends house in Coolum and catch the sunrise at Ninja Island. It was the only thing that kept me going at that time in my life. If I could witness the new day start, I could commit to a positive attitude for the tasks of the day. Even if the day went bad, the next day would come and it was a reset point.

I have been sick with a virus for almost 2 weeks and in that time, I’ve caught a few sunrises as there was very little chance of sleeping. I would cough uncontrollably until I vomited and ended up in emergency a week ago. I am feeling better now and will go back to work tomorrow but here is where I am struggling.

My husband has cancer, my dad has terminal brain cancer, my car needs a new engine, my kids are suffering, my job is stressful, and there are so many other issues we are all facing right now. I have gotten to the point where I am not waking up looking forward to the new day. I do not wake up feeling hope and anticipation as I know each day right now will just bring new stress and new challenges. This is not something that I would call a limiting belief or catastrophising. It is just what life is giving us right now.

We’ve always experienced challenges in our lives. We’ve always faced them head on and dealt with them but always had faith that everything would work out ok. Right now, it just is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. So much keeps going wrong and it is so hard to keep a positive attitude. Hubby starts 6.5-7 weeks of radiation this coming Wednesday and I am sick to my stomach about how to juggle nursing him through this, working full time, and keeping our household running. I have some support in place but others have not been followed through with. I have so many phone calls to make and a core belief that it is all too overwhelming and I do not have quite enough hours in the day to get all of it done.

I also have my Dad in hospital after a fall in a nursing home who is now paralysed on the right side and it doesn’t sound like the future is going to be positive for him. We went to say goodbye to him in Queensland a month ago and I have this heavy feeling it will be the last time I will have seen him alive.

Currently my heart is broken into a million pieces. I feel like a zombie getting out of bed in the morning with all the to-do list tasks piling up. I have made contact with a psychologist but I guarantee this will take a long time to heal from. For now, I know I need to take some action to regain my control… control over my actions, my motivation, and my attitude. Nothing good comes from inaction or dwelling so here is where I make my pledge of acting with discipline and utmost integrity.

Tomorrow I will start the 75 Hard program. Every day for 75 days, I will pledge to do the following:

• Take one selfie a day to track progress
• Read 10 pages of a self help or motivational book
• Drink 4 litres of water
• Meditate daily
• Work out for 45 minutes
• Do a workout outside for 45 minutes
• Follow a diet plan and refrain from alcohol consumption
• Journal daily

There will be a couple of other things to do whilst I’m at it. I will make my bed every day (which seems redundant as hubby will be sleeping a lot during radiation but if I start out right, I feel it will set the day better), I will watch the sunrise each morning with the intent to use it to motivate me with beauty and awe, and I will use the daily prompt here to blog and track my journey as a cancer patient’s wife, mother, accountant, friend, and individual human being trying to keep all the plates up in the air and spinning.

So for now, this is my oath. I am stronger than I look and more capable than I believe. I will keep this family together. We will get to the other side of this trauma. I will practice self love and self care every single day whilst sacrificing the broken pieces of my heart to help keep us all going. The sun will rise tomorrow and I will get up and give the new day my all. You cannot keep me down. I will not allow it!

“Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment”

Jim Rohn

Until tomorrow ~ KT18Ø